Friday, July 17, 2009

America's Got Bullshit

So I decided to actually sit down and force myself to watch an entire episode of america's got talent.
( Btw, I did not capitalize "america" the same way I don't capitalize "god". )

Ok, first I must say.. WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT SHOW !
Why the fuck do people watch this crap.
You could get more enjoyment out of watching a documentary about the life span of sweat socks.
And what about fuckin David Hasselhoff. Fuck that guy. Who cares what he thinks? He singing career bombed in the states and they only like him in germany or some shit.
How the fuck did he become a judge? Did running around on the beach and pretending to be a lifeguard give him super judge powers and decision making skills? Fuck Mitch.
OK, and now the other 2. First of all... They're British. How the fuck can they judge anything other than a fuckin cup of tea? Or perhaps a nice pair of bollocks?
And why are there British judges for an american talent contest?
The one dude Piers Morgan acts like he has chronic bowel syndrome. Or perhaps he just has really saggy balls and he's constantly sitting on them.
And who the fuck is Sharon Osbourne? Her husband can't even remember his own songs. Plus he sings through his nose and sounds like shit. Only Ben Weasel can get away with that nasal crap.
Shouldn't she be out having tea with the fuckin queen?
I think if I ever have to watch that crap show again I might have to hang myself to alleviate the pain.
Fuck being judged and competitions.
If you have talent then you should be happy with yourself. It shouldn't take the judgment of 3 assholes and the rest of idiot america to make you happy with yourself.
I wish a contestant would come on stage with a bag full of glass bottles and sharp objects and start throwing them at the judges. Then I would watch the show religiously.
On a lighter note... I'm going to go get something to eat now.
Everyone loves food ! Right?
Why don't we start a show called america's got fatasses ! It will be nothing but extremely overweight people doing rigorous exercise and obstacle courses !
I would watch that show religiously as well.
Good day,
-E

P.S. To all my British friends. I was only joking about the tea thing.
I'm sure you can all judge a great beer as well...
But remember, we did win the war because you guys marched in a single line wearing red suits while we hid in the woods and shot you. :P hehe

Friday, June 12, 2009

About baseball...

I was at a yuppie bar hanging out with some friends last week and everyone around us was going crazy about the stupid Philly's game.
So I screamed:
"How many years is it gonna take till humans stop giving a shit about some dude hitting a ball with a fucking stick."
Everyone just looked at me.
A human hit a ball thrown by another human with a stick made by some other humans.
Big fucking deal.
Are their lives so pathetic that they find this exciting?
I'm sorry... ( Not really )
Maybe I've had too much excitement in my life to get excited over some dude hitting a ball with a fucking stick.
What a boring existence it must be.
-E

P.S. Don't get me wrong. Playing sports can be super fun. I actually enjoy playing and partaking in sports. I even enjoy playing baseball. But to be a slab of meat watching a television set and acting like you're there in person and/or actually playing in the game seems pretty silly to me.
Fuck your corporate garbage sports.